Wall caving in around me...

So if you know me..you know the constant battles I have faced in my relationship. The ups and downs...the giving and giving and giving..8 years worth.

I was over...passed it...and then I let me walls down again thinking if I try just one more time.
Sure it was alright for a while...but surely people fall back into their old ways and just as they make promises...they break them just as easily.

The constant insults...Or shall I call them "jokes" as he puts it. The embarrassing behavior... I just feel the rumbling inside me ready to explode. How many times must one say ENOUGH! The rude comments, the snide smurks...I can't live my life like this. No matter how hard I try to just push it aside it is literally tearing me apart. Love isn't this cruel.

I see others around us planning small vacations, going to dinner with friends...enjoying each other while I see him glued infront of the television while the only thing I see on it is my life slowly passing me by. Just thinking of where you are.

I have never been one to sit still. I came to this world to live...to experience...to bite that damn apple over and over.

Is there one out there for me? Or am I doomed to walk this lifetime alone? If he would only let me in...u know who you are...don't you?

And then what becomes of this .....will I grow tired all over again? I am starting to recognize my own distorted truths. Am I never satisfied? Is it so wrong to want to be kissed and to feel you through that kiss.....to need you so bad that I can't let go?

What happens now?
Just like the tootsie pop....the world may never know.